three responses to portal (for luke jaaniste)

from in the hard blue light by extinction of animals

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lyrics

life began
with a sound
be and all became
we decorate our lives
with sound
we try
to mark time
with scrapes
and whispers and screams
i would bleed and bruise for you
i would stare into your face as you turn beetroot red
and mark your time with ululation and vibration
as the crane cries and lifts me,
full of surprise and wide eyed shock
i would step off the mountain
and dance on the clouds that you make.
as you whisper instruction
i would blindly acquiesce
yes
all this and so much more
billow on your sound
pray for so much more
and be content with anything

strike the string with flesh
if you strike it right it grows
the way a body hits the water
or thunder rolls
i am contained
but i can dance
there is a rhythm
that can't be swaddled
and you find it,
in your plastic, creaky, stained keys
with ancient lights and unwelcome obtrusion
with your insensitivities and artless grace
you create (but you don't;
you enable and raise and explain)
that pulse
god, can i ever thank you enough
for those minutes of immersion
for that recollection with conception
for that ruination of being;
god, can I ever thank you enough

you made me cry

great clouds of sound billowing
a throbbing that began in my sacrum and lit up my spine like an evergreen pine
heavy with luminous breath

you made me cry

tears welled and I was embarrassed
and had to turn away
hold my fists to my eyes like a child
and sniff and snort like a widow at a grave

you made me cry

because through your patient placement
and childlike holding
i saw something like heaven
and I knew
that the journey
back
would take years